Why can't we feed the animals?

Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why does my shampoo smell like gasoline?

And when did my wife start smoking

What's the only thing in the world that's bigger than a Samoan man?

His wife.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What's the main thing a woman needs to think about when considering a potential boyfriend?

Is this the man I want my kids to spend every second weekend with?

What did Michael Phelps say after the Mens 200m?

I would've gotten second if it weren't for you medaling kids.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What did the NSA agent say when the blizzard hit?

What did the NSA agent say when the blizzard hit? Looks like we're snowed in.

Why don't Deputy Fire Marshals look out the window in the morning?

A: So they have something to do in the afternoon.

Feed Jokes More Feed Jokes

What's the difference between a liberal arts major and a pizza?

The pizza can feed a family.

Why did Mitt Romney feed his cows money?

A: He wanted rich milk.

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

What do you call a jungle where animals talk about current events?

A topical rainforest.

What do you call a model flying an airplane full of animals?

Zoolander