Why can't we feed the animals?

Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine's Day?

Rugs and kisses!

Which ones?

Wife: BLTOUR & E Me: Well, that could spell trouble

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

Why did the kid only water half the lawn?

Because there was a 50% chance of rain

What did the handless box get for hristmas?

Gloves. Just kidding, he hasn't opened it yet.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Who looks after the EuroDisney website?

Mick e-mouse.

How do you estimate your kids lifespan?

Hand them a mechanical pencil with the lead out and see how the use it. Child A: look mom I'm a doctor! - expect them to live to 80+ years. Child B: look mom I'm a heroin user! - expect them to live to about 27.

Feed Jokes More Feed Jokes

What do you feed an invisible cat?

A: Evaporated milk.

What's the difference between a large pepperoni pizza and an Art History degree?

The pizza can feed a family of four.

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

What do dogs have that no other animal has ?

Puppy dogs !

What is the worlds wettest animal?

The reindeer