Real Life Jokes

Why do console gamers use their in game names in real life?

They haven't got anti-aliasing.

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What did Brad Pitt in Seven and Harvey Weinstein in real life both get?

Gwyneth Paltrow's head.

What do you get when you have seven dragon balls?

Nothing! This is real life.

What's the difference between Jesus in real life and Jesus in a picture frame?

It only takes one nail to hang up Jesus in a picture frame.

Whenever I meet a Jim I ask, "is that short for Jimberly?

and I have few friends in real life.

How can you tell soap operas are fictional?

In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.

How can you tell if someone's a redditor,in real life?

Ask them if they're on reddit. I'm sorry.

What next?

Damn. I guess we'll have talk to people in real life.

How do you use calculus in real life?

You integrate it

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Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What does a National Geographic magazine or a JC Penney catalog have in common?

Sorry, the punchline is the joke. If you don't get it, ask your dad.

What did Anakin say when the princess asked for his credit card?

Naboo

System Jokes More System Jokes

How fast can you hack into the system!?

20-25 minutes." "You've got 10 minutes!" "Okay, well then I can't." - real life spy dialogues

Why was the CEO of Pepsi fired?

They caught him with an ounce of coke in his system.

Napoleon Jokes More Napoleon Jokes

Where does Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies

Why was Napoleon's last name Bonaparte?

He didn't have any ligaments

People Jokes More People Jokes

Why do people from Istanbul always swim?

Because they're constant in a pool.

Where do people who say "shoot" and "darn" go to?

A: Heck

Jim Jokes More Jim Jokes

What shall we name our new playground invention?

Roy: Idk. The playground business sure is a Jungle, Jim. Jim: ...Say that again.

What did she say?

Jim: I dunno. I never listened!

Meet Jokes More Meet Jokes

What do two people with Parkinson's disease do when they meet for the first time?

They shake hands.

Why do Southern guys go to family reunions?

A: To meet chicks.

Brad Pitt Jokes More Brad Pitt Jokes

What did Brad Pitt in Seven and Harvey Weinstein in real life both get?

Gwyneth Paltrow's head.

What do you call the divorce between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie?

a Brexit

God Jokes More God Jokes

What do you do when you want to golf in a thunderstorm?

Hold up a 1 Iron. Not even God can hit a 1 iron.

What are the three biggest lies an Oklahoma State fan tells?

I WON this belt buckle, I OWN that truck, and I swear to God I was just helping that sheep over the fence.