How do you find a dirty cop?

Call 911, it doesn't matter who answers

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What should you do if you find a witch in your bed?

Run!

Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables?

In an American nursing home.

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How is learning to ride a bicycle and 9/11 alike?

Because you never forget!

What's the difference between PirateBay and 9/11?

One is piracy and the other is CONSpiracy

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Why can't horses vote?

Cause their answer is always 'nay'. I'm sorry, I'll leave...

How do you keep a moron in suspense for 24 hours?

I'll post the answer tomorrow.

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What do you call it when a hedge fund manager loses his job to a Watson inspired AI built by IBM?

It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care.

What do you call a dog that can't hear?

Doesn't matter much, does it