What do you do at a red light?

Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."

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Red Light Jokes More Red Light Jokes

What's that pig doing in the middle of the road with a red light on its head?

Didn't you tell me to put out a stop swine

What did the Red light say to the Green light?

Don't look at me I'm changing!

Check Jokes More Check Jokes

What do you call attempting to jump to light speed before checking the Hyper Drive first?

A Wookie mistake!

Why can't random men check random women's breasts for cancel?

Because that sort of information is on a knead to know basis.

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

Why doesn't Pac-Man use Twitter?

Because he doesn't like being followed.

How is Twitter like Game of Thrones?

There's 140 characters, and they are all terrible.

Respond Jokes More Respond Jokes

How are you feeling?

The thermometer responded, "0K."

Why isn't he responding to us?

I'm annoyed H I A N N O Y E D I M D A D

Text Jokes More Text Jokes

What's the difference between a Surrey girl and a washing machine?

When you drop a load in a washing machine it doesn't text you every hour for a week.

What is it with people who text and drive?

I swear to god the next time I see this happen, I'll roll down my window and throw my beer at them.