You hand me your phone, you better believe I'ma hurry & scroll through as many pics as I can before you notice.
Tie their hands behind their back.
It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
A symphony
On the phone. It's a baby. If I wanted to hear random noises when I talk, I have a husband for that.
A paradux
Mary. Lied about her extramarital affair, still believed by billions.
Because he was low-key
Him: Never. Me: But I put my "I Karaoke" t-shirt on. Him: We noticed. Me: This is the worst funeral ever.
Why is everyone in the Soviet Union is always in a hurry? They're all Russian.
Oh, uh- *looks at pic* Squarepants
Will there be food Why do I have to die Why didn't you like my last pic ..
What are our scientists doing
