What's the thing u don't tell a vampire?

Bite me.

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Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What is the first thing a blind man says?

My eyes! My eyes!

Why does Islam get angry if you criticize their religion?

Im not sure they always seem to blow things up out of proportion.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with, "A man once told me..."

Who's there ! Billy Bragg ! Billy Bragg who ?

Billy Braggs too much tell him to stop it !

Bite Jokes More Bite Jokes

Why is a toothless dog like a tree?

It has more bark than bite.

What's the worst thing about getting bitten by a poisonous spider?

You're probably Australian. EDIT: I mean venomous, not poisonous. I am sorry

Vampire Jokes More Vampire Jokes

What's it called when a vampire kisses you goodnight?

Necking.

Why did the vampire miss work?

He was having a coffin fit!

U. Jokes More U. Jokes

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

What is a Brit's favorite letter?

You'd think it would be "T", but it is "U". *Favourite, btw.