What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car in front of an abortion clinic?

Going in to ask for a coat hanger

This joke may have profanity.
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What is a banged-up used car?

A car in first-crash condition.

What happened when the car took LSD?

It went on a road trip and had an auto body experience!

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What's wrong with these eggs I ordered?

Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table.

What does the neckbeard say when asked what he did last weekend?

M'laundry."

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What do you call a shop that sells aquatic vessels?

A boat-ique. ...I'll get my coat.

Why was the baby put in jail?

For resisting a rest. I'll take my coat

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What's the worst part of being bipolar?

The fact you love it.

What's the worst part of running into your ex?

You have to get out and check to see how bad your car is damaged.

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Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?

Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk

What do locking the keys in your car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common?

both can be solved with a coat hanger

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Where's the dog?

flashback to me giving him the keys to the car to get more beer* ME: I let him outside.

Why did the musician hate getting drunk?

He always had treble finding his keys!

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