What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What did the handyman do... when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time?

He screwed, nutted, and bolted.

Why was Stalin a Bad leader?

Because he was staling a country that was rushing..(Russia) This joke was bad. Im going to bed now.

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What do Tinder and Seafood restaurants have in common?

Both are good places to find Catfish

Why doesn't Bono like Google?

He still hasn't found what he's looking for.

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

Why won't a woman sleep with you after a date at Burger King?

Because you have to court her before you pound her.

What does Bob Marley wear to sleep?

pa-jammins

Sofa Jokes More Sofa Jokes

Why did the woman turn to her husband and say "now who the hell would dump such a nice sofa out here in the woods?

She was looking at a bear and thought it was a sofa due to the four legs.

Why is there no sofa in the forbidden kingdom?

because Mao is more of a chair man!

500 Pound Jokes More 500 Pound Jokes

What does a 500 pound parakeet say?

TWEET!!!

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.