What were the odds that Matt Damon made it off Mars?

Astronomical

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What do you call a person who you had a one night stand with on Mars?

A solmate

What was the first thing the stowaway to Mars said after he landed?

Just out of Curiosity...

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Why was Phil Collins... ...never a good betting man?

Because he always went Against All Odds.

What are the odds of an anorexic girl joining the clergy?

Slim to nun.

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What did the commander say when she realized that she had left Matt Damon on Mars?

I have left my Mark on Mars"

What do you call a baby Matt Damon?

A new-Bourne