Lottery Jokes

What would you do if i won the lottery?

Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now.

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What would you do if you won the lottery?

Two friends meet together and one asks: What would you do if you won the lottery? -I would build a brothel! Oh, and if it went wrong and you loose money? -I'd open it to the public

Why did the Greenlander get so angry when he didn't win the lottery?

Because he was inuit to win it

Why did the hick move to a toxic waste dump after winning the lottery?

They heard it was a Superfund site.

What has six balls and screws everybody?

The lottery.

What do they call the lottery in Africa?

Celebrity adoption.

What did Helen Keller say when she won the lottery?

uunnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg!

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

How amazing is it that nobody in the same Kingdom as Cinderella , had the same sized feet as her ?

She should play the lottery too !

What lottery did the broom win?

The sweepstakes.

Why did the former fitter turned baker enter the lottery?

To win dough.

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What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?

One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.

Who's there ! Charles ! Charles who ?

Charles your luck on the lottery !

What did the electrical engineer do when she found out that she hadn't won the lottery?

She soldered on.

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Africa Jokes More Africa Jokes

Why are there no elderly people in Africa?

They all die when they turn aidy.

What do u call 1,000 black people on a plane back to Africa?

A good start.

Money Jokes More Money Jokes

Who's there ! Checkmate ! Checkmate who ?

Checkmate bounce if you don't have money in the bank !

Where do polar bears go to deposit money?

A snowbank

Meet Jokes More Meet Jokes

Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?

A: The vegetable garden.

What did Uranium-238 say to Helium when they first met?

IDK

Ball Jokes More Ball Jokes

What happened when the cat ate a ball of wool ?

She had mittens !

What do Limas Sweed and Bruce Jenner have in common?

Neither can keep track of their balls

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What's the problem?

Wife: He makes friends with the strangest things Me petting a bee: You're not strange are you Alan

What did GabeN tell his wife when she shouted "shut your hole" at him?

Babe, it's a valve!"

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why couldn't the whistleblower leave his house?

Because he was Snowden

What did the executioner say to his wife when he left?

I'll beheading out now.

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

What do you call a chess blunder where you lose your castle?

A Rook-ey mistake.

Why is a redneck wedding and a tornado alike?

Because either way someone is losing a trailer.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time is bedtime at Neverland Ranch?

A: When the big hand touches the little hand.

What do you do with the time saved?

Me: *tying my dogs shoes* Sorry, what