Where have you been?

he asked. "To my mother-in-law's burial." "Then why the scratches on your face " "She kept resisting, that old fart."

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Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

When I was a little boy I asked my mum 'how many is a couple?

She replied 'oh, two or three' Now I know why her marriage didn't last long

How can you ask a Mexican if their zodiac sign is leo?

Julio

Face Jokes More Face Jokes

How would you like that cooked?

gets right up in waitresses face* With frickin fire, obviously

What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Garbonzo bean?

I wouldn't let a Garbonzo bean all over my face.

Scratch Jokes More Scratch Jokes

What is the difference between a dog and a viola?

A: The dog knows when to stop scratching.

What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy ?

You scratch my beak and I'll scratch yours !"

Law Jokes More Law Jokes

What defies the law of gravity?

Women. They heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.

What's worse than your mother-in-law?

My mother-in-law.

Resist Jokes More Resist Jokes

What did the fuse say when it blew out?

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Why are wires addicted to electricity?

They can't resist.