Why can't you be successful like your brother?

Amazon: heh Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons! Thanksgiving at the Primes

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Save Jokes More Save Jokes

Why couldn't the hipsters save the hippies?

They were too far out.

Why is it worse this time around?

Thermal cameras mean I can't save anyone by hiding them in my roof.

Brother Jokes More Brother Jokes

What do you call a wheel with clothes?

Attire. My brother told this to me and it gave me a chuckle.

What did the mexican boy say to his mom after he mopped the floors and found his brother?

I've cleaned up and found Jesus.

Amazon Jokes More Amazon Jokes

What did Descartes say while shopping online?

I think therefore I Amazon

What's the difference between Amazon Prime and the Amazon River?

The Amazon River actually has sails.

Thanksgiving Jokes More Thanksgiving Jokes

Why shouldn't you join Alcoholics Anonymous on Thanksgiving?

Because all they serve is cold turkey.

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

Humanity Jokes More Humanity Jokes

Why can't you be successful like your brother?

Amazon: heh Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons! Thanksgiving at the Primes

When I lose faith in humanity, I think of Chili's just handing out sick, light-up beepers, trusting us to return them. And know what?

We do.

Prime Jokes More Prime Jokes

Why is Michael Jordan's Jersey number 23?

Because then he will always be in prime.

Why can't you be successful like your brother?

Amazon: heh Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons! Thanksgiving at the Primes