Why can't you be the king I know?

The king you have inside you SIMBA: That doesn't make sense. I think I'd remember if I ate a king.

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How did I know my joke was not alright with my audience?

They all left.

How did the blind skydiver know he was about to hit the ground?

He felt the slack in his dog's leash.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?

Man: The thief was spending less than my wife. Police: Then why are you reporting it now Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!

What does Dave Grohl say when he thinks there's a stalker in his house?

IS SOMEONE OUT ON THE VEST? THE VEST? THE VEST? THE VESTIBULE?"

Eat Jokes More Eat Jokes

Why did the dolphin feel crabby?

Because he ate too many crabs!

What happened when the cannibal got a religion?

He only ate Catholics on Fridays!

Remember Jokes More Remember Jokes

Why do people with no arms have difficulty remembering?

Because they can't put their finger on it.

Why do women forget if you call them beautiful 100 times but remember if you call them ugly once?

Elephants have good memory

King Jokes More King Jokes

What do you call it when a King gets a vasectomy?

A heir cut

What's a Londoner's favorite seafood?

King's Crustacean.

Simba Jokes More Simba Jokes

What do you say to Simba if he's walking too slow?

Mufasa.

What did Nala tell Simba after seeing a herd of women on Black Friday?

You gotta Mufasa"

Sense Jokes More Sense Jokes

What's easier to get, aids or lung cancer?

Depends what you smoke. (Not native speaker, sorry if it doesn't make sense)

What is your best sushi-related joke or pun?

My dad and I are going out for sushi tonight, and he has rescheduled this dinner with me several times for dumb reasons (one night was because he randomly decided to go out drinking instead). Would love to get my revenge by making sushi puns and jokes all night, but Google is failing me--I've only been able to find jokes that either make no sense, or are just not funny at all. Help!