Why do so few men end up in Heaven?

They never stop to ask directions.

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Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What did the apple say to the pear?

Man, go away!

Why did a man name his legless dog, Cigarette?

Cause he had to take him out for a drag every night.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

Where did the meteorologist stop for a drink on the way home from a long day in the studio?

The nearest ISOBAR!!

How's my driving?

sticker on her car. Her phone hasn't stopped ringing since.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What makes you think you can criticise American gun laws, sitting over there in the UK?

I was asked on an internet forum. "Because you're not allowed to take them on planes," I answered.

What did Picard say when Riker asked him what kind of Chinese food he wanted?

Make it Tso's Number One."

End Jokes More End Jokes

What do blind people think of a basketball?

It's a never ending story.

How many rocks did Hank Schrader have in his collection by the end of Breaking Bad?

None, they were all minerals.

Direction Jokes More Direction Jokes

What did Germany say to Britain during World War II?

I'd luft to waffe a few bombs in your direction.

What does aerosmith say when someone asks them for directions?

Walk this way

Heaven Jokes More Heaven Jokes

What do you call a sacred, flammable piece of wood?

A match made in Heaven.

What do you call it when seven minutes in heaven is played at Comic-Con?

A: Close encounters of the nerd kind