Why do so few men end up in Heaven?

They never stop to ask directions.

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Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Why did the man throw duck food at Nurse Jackie?

Because she was a quack.

What do you tell a man with two black eyes?

Nothing, he's been told twice already. (And be cool, if you get the reference keep quiet and let em wonder.)

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

Why Can't the Guy Addicted to Brake Fluid Quit?

He couldn't stop.

Why did the toy company stop donating toys to kids in Africa?

Because it's pretty depressing to have a Tamagotchi that'll out-live you.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What did Oscar Pistorius say when his cellmate asked him how he ended up in prison?

I'm stumped."

What's the first thing an Owl asks when you trow a rock at it?

HOOO did that!

End Jokes More End Jokes

What gets longer the more you cut it at both ends?

A ditch.

What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?

An envelope!

Direction Jokes More Direction Jokes

Why was the scalar depressed?

Because he had no direction.

How can you tell that a straight pin is confused?

Just look at it. It's headed in one direction and pointed in the other.

Heaven Jokes More Heaven Jokes

Why is heaven a paradise for the common man?

Because all the politicians are in hell.

Why is the door to heaven always open?

Because Jesus was born in a barn.