Animal Jokes

What do you call a cross between a dog and a turtle?

A cross. The animals around it have no effect on its name duh.

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What do elephants in the zoo get for lunch?

Half an hour, just like the rest of the animals.

What animal is always at a game of cricket?

A bat.

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Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

How are bad dubstep and constipation similar?

Both leave you waiting for the drop.

What is the difference between a drunk driver and a high driver?

The drunk driver will blow through a stop sign without even knowing it was there.. The high driver will wait until it turns green

Ethiopia Jokes More Ethiopia Jokes

What's Sad About Lunch in Ethiopia?

There is no lunch.

What caused the civil war in Ethiopia?

Too many Negus.

Tour Jokes More Tour Jokes

What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?

A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA!

What's your favourite animal joke?

I give tours at a zoo. Each tour goes for a couple of hours so it is good to engage the guests and make the tour a bit more fun. What is your favourite animal joke I can use at work?

American Jokes More American Jokes

What do you call a person who knows 3 languages?

Trilingual. What do you call a person who knows 2 languages Bilingual. What do you call a person who knows only one language American.

What side of the American flag are the stars on?

Both sides. Came from my FIL on this Memorial Day.

Relate Jokes More Relate Jokes

How are UFO's related to hamburgers?

Both are Unidentified Frying Objects!

What do space-related scientists call themselves in Australia?

Austronomers

Price Jokes More Price Jokes

What do you call a hotel special that lets policemen stay for two nights for the price of one?

CuNO3!

What do you get when you take an HIV medication and raise the price 5,000%?

Rich AND famous, apparently

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How many kidnapped children does it take to change a lightbulb?

The parents would love to know.

What do Jaqen H'ghar from Game of Thrones and Christina Aguilera have in common?

They both know "what a girl wants" and "what a girl needs".

Dangerous Animal Jokes More Dangerous Animal Jokes

Why is there a show called "When Animals Attack"?

It should be called "When Stupid People Go Near Dangerous Animals."

What's the most dangerous animal in Africa?

Black people. (Slightly Racist I know)