How'd you get that cut above your eye?

Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* "STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"

Previous Random Joke Next
Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

Why did Erdogan stop a man from jumping off a bridge?

One does not simply fly in Turkish airspace without Erdogan's permission.

What do blacks and bikes have in common?

They both stop working when you take their chains off. Edit: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was America. By the way, got this from AskReddit.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis?

TB or not TB, that is the question.

What does a quantum physicist tell their toddler who keeps asking "Why" over and over?

Because I saw so."

Face Jokes More Face Jokes

Whats the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean?

I've never had a lima bean on my face.

What do me and a mirror have in common?

A.When we see your face we both crack up!

Drop Jokes More Drop Jokes

What's worse than dropping a scope of ice cream?

Dropping 2 scoops of ice cream. What's worse than dropping 2 scoops of ice cream? Getting a hand chopped off. What's worse than getting a hand chopped off? Getting both hands chopped off. What's worse than getting both hands chopped off? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Dropping 3 scoops of ice cream.

What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it

Remember Jokes More Remember Jokes

How does someone with amnesia tell a joke?

I don't remember.

What is the most effective way to remember your wifes birthday?

Forget it once.

Phone Jokes More Phone Jokes

What kind of pictures does a mermaid take on her phone?

Shelfies.

How do you get a Samsung owner to throw their phone out the window?

End your text with "this message will self destruct in 10 seconds"

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

Why did the teacher have trouble controlling her pupils?

She was cross eyed.

What is a ram's favorite song on February 14th?

I only have eyes for ewe, dear

Fight Club Jokes More Fight Club Jokes

What's the best part about a Fight Club joke?

The punchline.

What's the difference between fight club and veganism?

You don't talk about fight club.