What animal do I respect most?

The octopus. I have no idea what to do with my hands most of the time, and I only have two of them.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What do you call an Asian who's tolerable some of the time?

Occasionally (OK Asian Lee).

When the hell did you grow a beard?

Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

Why do pumpkins sit on people’s porches?

They have no hands to knock on the door.

What was Santa's christmas-present for the kid with no hands?

new gloves for the cold days

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

What is something that mother giraffes have but no other animal has?

Baby giraffes.

Why couldn't the animals on Noah's Ark play cards?

A: Because Noah was standing on the deck!

Octopus Jokes More Octopus Jokes

What do you get if you cross a black man with an octopus?

I don't know, but it's damn good at picking cotton.

What do you get when you mix a Mexican and an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can wash a lot of dishes.

Idea Jokes More Idea Jokes

What did the teacher think of your idea?

Son: She took it like a lamb Teacher: Really what did she say Son: Baa!

Where u going?

M: Do u have ANY idea how much paperwork I've got to do

Respect Jokes More Respect Jokes

Why in the hell do you have so much respect but I don't?

Cat: "You 'bow' while me 'owe'."

Why don't poor people go to funerals?

They can't afford to pay respects.