What do you call a philosopher that kind of wants to play soccer?

Socrates

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Why don't dirty commies shower?

Because they don't want to wash away their Marx.

What does a guy drink when he wants to go out with a girl?

DATERADE

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How many Vladimir Putins' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they didn't Putin enough effort. Just a play on his last name, nothing more.

What did you do at school today?

Mark: We played a guessing game. Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam Mark: That's right.

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What does a philosopher put his/her food on?

A contemplate

Why does the philosopher have an automatic car..?

Because he Kant drive Immanuel.

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What do you call a philosopher that kind of wants to play soccer?

Socrates

What do you get if you cross Socrates with a dentist?

A flossopher!

Soccer Jokes More Soccer Jokes

Why can't Cinderella play soccer?

Because she keeps running away from the ball

Why should you date a girl who is good with her hands and plays soccer?

Because she's probably a keeper.