What they say: Want a bite of my sandwich?

What I hear: How much of this sandwich can you fit in your mouth

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did the chicken walk on the telephone wire?

She wanted to lay it on the line!

Why didn't the mathematician want to go to the beach?

He didn't want people to see his tan lines.

Bite Jokes More Bite Jokes

What's worse than biting an apple and finding a worm?

biting an apple and finding half a worm

Why do bees sting?

They can't bite because all that honey rotted their teeth. (From my 7 year old niece)

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

What does NASCAR stand for?

Non-athletic-sport-centered-around-rednecks (I heard this forever ago and wanted to share. Sorry if it happens to be a repost.)

Who directed this?

HIM: "A bear attack." ME: "Never heard of him."

Sandwich Jokes More Sandwich Jokes

What do you call food between two slices of bread?

a sandwich

When/why do feminists hate cannibals?

When they make sandwiches, because they're man-spreading.

Mouth Jokes More Mouth Jokes

Why'd the hipster burn his mouth on his coffee?

Because he drank it before it was cool.

Why was the man so down in the mouth?

Because he ate his pillow.

Fit Jokes More Fit Jokes

How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?

You take the s out of safe and the f out of way!

How many disappointments can you fit into a van?

I don't know, I can't get them outside of the house.