When do you know a lawyer is telling the truth?

When his lips are shut.

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do people know spiders are more afraid of me than I am of them?

Like, did you ask him Because only one of us is screaming right now.

How do you know if someone's a vegan?

When you ask them "Are you a vegan?" and they say "Yes".

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do soldiers tell if a woman is a genuine Red-Head?

If it's red on top, fire in the hole.

How can you spot a vegan in a crowded lunch hall?

Don't worry, they'll tell you and every other person there!

Shut Jokes More Shut Jokes

Why don't women fart?

They can't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

Why do Republicans make good DJs?

Because they know how to shut the House down.

Lawyer Jokes More Lawyer Jokes

What's the difference between a lawyer and an angry rooster?

The rooster clucks defiance.

Why did the lawyer refuse to take payment when defending the lead singer of U2?

Because he said he was pro Bono.

Lip Jokes More Lip Jokes

Why do girls talk so much?

They have four lips

How do skeletons kiss?

They don't. Skeletons don't have lips, they just bone.

Truth Jokes More Truth Jokes

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

We may never know the truth.

What game is all the rage with the Ferguson rioters?

Truth or Darren Wilson.