When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: "Guess who?

for 2 weeks.

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Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

What's the difference between my virginity and the Apple Airphones?

Losing my virginity wouldn't cost me as much.

What're you in for?

I had a solid tweet *takes drag off cigarette* and no one faved it. I just lost it." "We've all been there, brother."

People Jokes More People Jokes

Why were the people in the World Trade Center mad on 9/11 ?

Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and all they got was plane.

What do people store their fondest memories in?

A nostaljar.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

How many mutants do you need to take over a Ship?

5 MutantA MutantB MutantC MutantD and Mutiny

Why is a sinking ship like a person in jail?

Because it needs bailing out.

Number Jokes More Number Jokes

Why did the little boy flush a pencil down the toilet?

Because it was a Number 2.

Why is Bill Gates scared of the number 7?

Because 7 8 10.

Phone Jokes More Phone Jokes

What's the song that coldplay wrote for you?

Yellow. *Phil answers phone*

What do all dogs get with their phones?

Collar ID

Guess Jokes More Guess Jokes

Why did the giraffe cross the highway?

Because he bumped his head on the low-way! I guess we're doing 4 year old's jokes today :)

What's all this talk about Reddit's servers being down?

Guess I can't see what everyone else sees.

Text Jokes More Text Jokes

When a guy texts "your beautiful," reply with "my beautiful what?

then laugh and laugh and never talk to that nice idiot again.

What does the interrupting cow say?

HE SAYS MOO oh wait this joke totally doesn't work in text

Facebook Jokes More Facebook Jokes

Which is more environment-friendly: Facebook or r/jokes?

Facebook produces too much plastics while r/jokes has 100% recycling rate.

How to pick up chicks at the gym Pasted from Facebook: A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?

Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"

2 Week Jokes More 2 Week Jokes

What's the difference between a washing machine and a virgin?

A washing machine doesn't follow the guy around for 2 weeks after he drops a load in it.

Whats the difference between a Blonde and a Washing Machine?

The Washing Machine will not follow you around for 2 weeks after you dump a load in it!