When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: "Guess who?

for 2 weeks.

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Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Why did North Korea lose Internet?

Because they switched to Comcast.

What do you call a drummer who has lost one of his drumsticks?

A conductor.

People Jokes More People Jokes

Why are people without converse shoes dangerous?

Because they own none chucks.

Why do people keep a picture of their wife and kids in their wallet?

To remind them why there's no money in it

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What does the unemployed starving man ask his rich baker friend?

I just need some bread

What do you need to do after burning your balls on the asphalt of a dead end street?

You need to cul de sac.

Number Jokes More Number Jokes

What did the number do when it divided from its companion?

Changed its status from 'In A Relationship' to 'Single'.

Why are the other numbers afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.

Phone Jokes More Phone Jokes

How do you know you're on the phone with a meth head?

When comcast puts them on hold and they don't hang up

What's the longest you've ever stared at your phone without glancing up to look at the road while driving?

For me it's three weeks.

Guess Jokes More Guess Jokes

What did the asteroid say when his trajectory missed earth?

I guess I didn't plan it very well!"

What do you call it when you second guess your decision to book a stay at a Native American resort?

A reservation reservation reservation. Credit to Brian Regan, this is my favorite joke of his!

Text Jokes More Text Jokes

What state has the highest cell phone bills?

A: Text-us

What happens when you text while driving?

I don't know, I've never tri

Facebook Jokes More Facebook Jokes

Why do proctologists like Facebook?

It's another chance to look up old friends.

How does Stevie Wonder check Facebook?

With his EyePhone

2 Week Jokes More 2 Week Jokes

Whats the difference between a Blonde and a Washing Machine?

The Washing Machine will not follow you around for 2 weeks after you dump a load in it!

What do you call a meth-head that's been up for 2 weeks?

A two-weeker