Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

My girlfriend knows about my wife.

What did the Challenger Austronaut day to his wife before he left?

You feed the kids, I'll feed the fishes."

Driveway Jokes More Driveway Jokes

When is a car, not a car?

When it turns into a driveway.

How do you know if a Chinaman robbed your house?

Your homework is done and your computer is upgraded, but two hours later he is still trying to back out of your driveway.

Sound Jokes More Sound Jokes

What's the sound that a French tank does just before the enemy frontline attacks?

Beep Beep Beep...

Why did a man's pet vulture not make a sound for five years?

It was stuffed.

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

What's your cell phone?

iPhone. - No, I meant the number. - It's a 6. - No, to contact you. - I don't use it for that.

How do you get spiderwebs out of your hair?

Asking because Spider-Man... I mean... Just asking.

Grocery Jokes More Grocery Jokes

What do you call a horse who likes to carry all the groceries?

A one trip pony :D

Where do safari animals buy their groceries?

From the supermeerkat

Bacon Jokes More Bacon Jokes

What is green and smells like bacon?

Kermit's fingers

What is Green, Slimy, and smells like Bacon?

Kermit's finger.

Sale Jokes More Sale Jokes

What do you call a pickle on sale?

A sweet Dill.

Why does Barbie hate Amazon?

because they're always putting sales out on ken-dolls.