Why do Scots wear kilts?

Sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

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Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why the big pause................................?

Said the man in the pub to the bear. First heard this joke told by Eddie Izzard.

What does a cat say when you tread on its tail?

ME-OW! I am very sorry. Just thought of it and felt like everyone should hear it. Maybe some jokes are better left untold...

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

What kind of shoes does Voldemort wear?

Hor-crocs.

What do you call an alligator who likes to wear vests?

gt- () An investigator

Mile Jokes More Mile Jokes

Why is the word "smiles" the longest word in English?

Because there is a mile separating the two s'es.

Whats green and can jump a mile a minute ?

A frog with hiccups !

Sheep Jokes More Sheep Jokes

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a holiday resort ?

The Baaahaaamaaas !

What's the Welsh word for shearing a sheep?

Foreplay

Zipper Jokes More Zipper Jokes

What has 100 teeth and holds back a monster?

My zipper.

Why do the Scottish wear kilts?

Sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away

Kilt Jokes More Kilt Jokes

How do you tell 2 Scotsmen apart?

You lift their kilts, and whichever one of them has a Quarter Pounder is a McDonald!

How Do You Tell 2 Scottsmen Apart?

A: You lift their kilts, and whichever one has a Quarter Pounder is a McDonald!!

Scot Jokes More Scot Jokes

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scot?

One says "hey, you, get off of my cloud", and the other says "hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe".

How many Scots didn't turn up to vote?

One in Fife