Hitman Jokes

How do you take care of a baby?

Hire a hitman

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Why do hitman always wear gloves?

because theyre always wacking guys off....

What is a Hitman's favorite Mathematical Field?

Trigger*nometry

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Hire Jokes More Hire Jokes

How do you keep black people out of your business?

Put up a "Now Hiring" sign.

Why should we hire you?

Me: Well, if you hire me, I will make all of your other employees look FANTASTIC by comparison.

Glove Jokes More Glove Jokes

What did the handless box get for hristmas?

Gloves. Just kidding, he hasn't opened it yet.

What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas?

Gloves. Just kidding he couldn't open it to find out

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What did the guy who liked mustard say when he opened his fridge and saw no mustard?

You mustard be joking!

What do you call two guys using the same urinal?

Peers

Care Jokes More Care Jokes

Why shouldn't you tell a pirate your secrets?

They ain't private ears. (I don't care if a six year old came to this first thirty years ago, it just came to me.)

What do you call it when a hedge fund manager loses his job to a Watson inspired AI built by IBM?

It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care.

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

What do scientists wear?

Kelvin Klein

Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it's already on?

Stop talking in secret code.

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What do a baby and a martini have in common?

I prefer both of them shaken

How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know... I broke the lightbulb after I threw the first one.