Retirement Home Jokes

Why are all the plants at the retirement home made of silk and plastic?

Because everything that stays there just ends up dying.

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Why do the nurses give the old men in retirement homes Viagra?

To keep them from rolling out of bed

This joke may have profanity.

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2 Jokes More 2 Jokes

Why were there only 1000 people at the Million Mexican March?

They only had 2 trucks.

What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?

Fur traders....

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What did one hat say to the other?

You stay here, I'll go on ahead...."

What travels around the world but stays in one corner?

A stamp.

Retire Jokes More Retire Jokes

What's a shy and retiring accountant?

An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.

How do magicians retire?

They seem to just disappear.

Plant Jokes More Plant Jokes

What kind of plants grow in bathrooms?

Toilet trees.

How do you get the water in a watermelon?

Plant it in the spring.

Silk Jokes More Silk Jokes

Whatever happened to silk underwear?

A: Fell through the cracks.

Why are all the plants at the retirement home made of silk and plastic?

Because everything that stays there just ends up dying.

End Jokes More End Jokes

Why do so many American tourists end up in eastern Europe?

They get Hungary so they go for Turkey.

What starts with "M" ends with "arriage" and recently made me the happiest man on earth?

Miscarriage

70 Jokes More 70 Jokes

Why does 71 like 68?

Because 68 69 70.

Why can't Ms. Piggy count to 70?

Because when she gets to 69 she has a Frog in her throat.

Month Jokes More Month Jokes

Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months?

Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months? Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years.

Where is Jennifer's husband?

Jennifer is 21 years older than her son Douglas. 6 years from now, Jennifer will be 5 times as old as Douglas. Question: Where is Jennifer's husband? Solution: J=D+21 J+6=5(D+6) According to my math, Douglas has 3/4 years, which means -9 months. Pregnancy lasts for nine months, so Jennifer's husband is in the bed with her right now. Sauce: