Retire Jokes

What do you call a retired professional swimmer?

Washed up.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What did the circus owner say to the human-cannonball when the he wanted to retire?

How will I ever find another performer of your caliber? (Source: a dad on thanksgiving)

Why can't truck drivers ever fully retire?

Because they can only semi retire.

What Do You Call Bob The Builder When He Retires?

Bob.

Where did the engine go after he retired?

To live in a motor home

What does a retired hairdresser and a bar of platinum have in common?

They both plat no more.

Why did the Computer Engineer retire young?

He had a lot of cache.

What did the photographer say when he retired?

I can't take it anymore!"

What did they call Postman Pat after he retired?

Pat

What's the difference between an orphan home and a terrorists' boot camp?

I don't know. I'm retiring next month.

What was Bob the Builder called after he retired?

Bob.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How do magicians retire?

They seem to just disappear.

Why did the tire pop?

Because it retired.

What are you going to do with your time, now that you're retired?

I'm going to finish my book." "I didn't know you were writing a book." "I'm not, I'm reading one."

What do you call people so good at their jobs, they retire because they did everything?

The mythbusters and ghostbusters.

What do you call a fly when it retires?

A flew. BUH DUM TSS! No Alright.. I'll see myself out.

What did the retires baker say to the Dough on the table?

I don't knead you anymore.

What's a shy and retiring accountant?

An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.

What Job will Mr Miyagi take on when he retires from Martial Arts?

Plastic Surgeon. Japanese accent "Rax on, Rax off"

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger do after he retired?

He became an ex-terminator!

What do you call a cop who doesn't shoot innocent black people?

1. Acquitted 2. Fired, retired or expired

What's the fastest branch of the military?

The Marines. When they retire, they're corvettes.

You might also enjoy:

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What Is Bluetooth ?

When your toothbrush stops working mid brushing

What's wrong with them?

his boss asks. "I just can't see myself coming to work today."

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What's the difference between Helen Keller and Susan B. Anthony?

One doesn't know her place, the other can't find it.

What would Abraham Lincoln say if he found out there was a movie about him slaying vampires?

What's a movie?

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

Why did the blonde feminist want to be cremated when she died?

She thought a traditional burial would be too bio-degrading.

How many Saiyans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one... But it takes 4 episodes and Krillin dies...

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

What did the pirate say when he had a steering wheel down his pantaloons?

Arr! It's driving me nuts!

What is 4 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women crazy when they see it?

An empty toilet paper roll.

Wash Jokes More Wash Jokes

Why should you wash your hair with counterfeit feces?

Because it's sham poo.

What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure in your bath?

Throw in your washing.

Early Retirement Jokes More Early Retirement Jokes

What's the best benefit of working for ISIS?

early retirement

Why did the janitor take early retirement?

Because he realized that grime doesn't pay.

Isis Jokes More Isis Jokes

What do you call an Asian guy who is a member of ISIS?

RICE-IS

Why doesn't ISIS attack Israel?

Same reason children don't attack their parents...

Aftermath Jokes More Aftermath Jokes

When does Eminem leave school?

Aftermath

What do mathematicians call retirement?

Aftermath