Ron Weasley Jokes

Why couldn't Ron Weasley make a Horcrux?

Because you need a soul for that.

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What did Ron Weasley do the first time he saw Hermione naked?

He whipped out his wand and yelled, "***Shtupify***!".

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

When was the last time you flossed?

Me: "BRO, you were there."

How did the doctor know Muhammad Ali was dead?

He never got up by the time he counted to 10 Edit: Phrasing

Horcrux Jokes More Horcrux Jokes

Why couldn't Ron Weasley make a Horcrux?

Because you need a soul for that.

What's the difference between Voldemort and Tyrion Lannister?

One had a horcrux, the other had a whorecrush..

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?

What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."

What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book?

Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.

Hermione Jokes More Hermione Jokes

Why do girls go to the bathroom in groups?

Hermione went alone and was attacked by a troll

Why doesn't Hermione keep her money at Gringotts?

Offshore investment gains a better return.

Soul Jokes More Soul Jokes

What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

The nun has hope in her soul!

Where's the election victory that you promised me?

Satan: Where's the soul that you said you had

Whip Jokes More Whip Jokes

What is a southern aristocratic families favourite dance move?

The whip

Who needs whips and chains?

Christian should have had Ana read Fifty Shades of Grey if he wanted to torture her.