How many times do I have to tell you this Mom?

I have thousands of fans who need to know my thoughts. So, no I can't take out the garbage.

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do you know if someone has run a marathon?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

How'd you sleep?

Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.

Fan Jokes More Fan Jokes

Why did the tree have lots of fans?

Because he was Poplar!

What do you call fans of the new iPhone 7?

Pod people.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What the difference between a Mexican and a bench?

The bench can support a family my first post here, a friend told me this joke.

What's worse than a chick telling you she only thinks of you as a friend?

When she says she thinks of you like a brother.

Mom Jokes More Mom Jokes

What did Santa say when he saw your mom, sister, and girlfriend all together in the same room?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

When my girlfriend asks "mom, what are you doing!?

I reply "Taxes."

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do with most of his time?

Stay up all night wondering if there is a Dog.

What type of gun do time travelers use?

A Clock-18

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why are nuns like a brand new TV?

You need a knife to get in the box.

How many cops do you need to change a light bulb?

None. They just shoot the room for being black. Credit: donator on some stream said the joke and just wanted to share it.

Thought Jokes More Thought Jokes

What do you get when offering a blonde a penny for her thoughts?

A: Change.

What did the blanket say when he fell off the bed?

Aw sheet! One of my favorite, cheesiest jokes of all time. Thought it would be a good first post to Reddit!

Garbage Jokes More Garbage Jokes

How long do black women need to bring the garbage out?

About 9 month.

What's worse than finding a dead baby in the garbage can?

Finding a dead baby in the recycle bin.

Thousand Jokes More Thousand Jokes

Why did the fish cross the ocean?

Watching the National Geographic channel always makes me wonder how animals like fish manage to travel thousands of miles,and how they know where to go. Then I realised they can measure distances so well because they have their own scales.

What do the Post Office and a shoe store have in common?

Thousands of brown loafers