What brings you to speed dating?

Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.

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Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

Why did the spider buy a car ?

So he could take it out for a spin !

Where'd you buy my gift?

Me: Bed Bath & Beyond Wife: You used a coupon right Me: Coupon *wife faints*

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What can I bring to your party?

Friend: A six pack. does 10 crunches cancels

Why should you bring two pairs of pants when you golf?

In case you get a hole-in-one (stolen from some girl at school)

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What's a junkie's favorite videogame?

Need for Speed.

What did the doctor say to the speeding commuter?

Thank you for your patients.

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Why did the pig run away from the pig sty?

He felt that the other pigs were taking him for grunted.

What's the best way to keep water from running?

Don't pay the water bill.

Date Jokes More Date Jokes

Why do single people take dating advice from other single people?

That's like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions.

What's the best thing about dating a homeless chick?

You can drop her off anywhere!

Gf Jokes More Gf Jokes

Why was Jesus not born in West Virginia?

Because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin. Gf sent me this when she was driving through the state.

What do you do if your GF is having siezures in the bathtub?

Throw in your laundry.