Cia Jokes

How did Bourne send data to the CIA?

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What do you call a CIA agent that nobody cares about?

Li Yung

What do you get when you cross the CIA and the Republican Party?

Shot in the head in Dallas.

What do you call a former CIA agent when a winter storm hits?

Snowed-in

Where does the CIA buy its groceries?

Whole Foods

Why did the CIA torture the Russian wasp?

Because he was a cagey bee agent.

What did the CIA dogs say when they supsected they were being followed?

Looks like we got a tail.

What do you call an old-school CIA agent who believes his work is none of the public's goddamn business?

A Pte-redact-yl

Why couldn't the ex-CIA agent leave Russia?

Because he was Snowden

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What do you call a creamsicle in Russia?

A hammer and cream-sickle

What is Russia's favorite imported product?

Ukraine.

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How can you tell, with 100% certainty, that no intelligent alien life exists that we know of?

Because if it did, we'd have sent foreign aid by now.

What did the chicken say ?

What did they chicken say to his friends after being sent to the hospital after failing to cross the road ?. Don't worry ill get over it.

Torture Jokes More Torture Jokes

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic and a dyslexic?

You get someone who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question of whether or not there's a dog.

Why did the Russians use peanuts for torture in the Cold War?

Because in Soviet Russia, Nut Cracks You!

Food Jokes More Food Jokes

Why are a good majority of Americans obese?

At least the food won't take away their rights. Do a little oppression of their own.

Why do Ethiopians have fly swatters?

To hunt for their food.

Believe Jokes More Believe Jokes

What religion does a drinking feline believe?

Cat-holic

Why are there no owls here?

I WAS LEAD TO BELIEVE THERE WOULD BE OWLS HERE! #hooters

Care Jokes More Care Jokes

Which is worse, insouciance or ignorance?

I don't know and I don't care.

Who does first?

Who dies first? No one cares. :/

Hit Jokes More Hit Jokes

Whats the last thing that goes through a fly's brain before it hits my car windshield?

Its arse.

Why is it called the "funny bone" when you hit your elbow on something and it tingles?

Because it's humerus.

Dallas Jokes More Dallas Jokes

How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training?

A: Studying their Miranda Rights.

What do the Dallas Cowboys do when they win the Superbowl?

Turn off their Nintendo and go to bed.