Ex Girlfriend Jokes

How do you pick up my ex girlfriend?

With a broom and a dustpan.

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What's the difference between my ex girlfriend and ebola?

At least Ebola will finish me off

What's the worst place to run in to your ex girlfriend?

Auschwitz

What do silicon and my ex girlfriend have in common?

the resistance of both drop when doped.

What's the difference between an archeologist and an ex girlfriend?

The ancient stuff the archeologist digs up is useful.

What did the blue crab call his ex girlfriend?

Old Bay

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Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

Why couldn't the Dali Lama go out and play with his friends?

Because he was grounded.

Why don't you play with your friends?

he asked. 'Because I only have one friend' the girl replied. 'And I hate her.'

Spotlight Jokes More Spotlight Jokes

Why do primates do so well in show biz?

Put any Ape in the spotlight - and monkeyshines!

What should you do when your ex-girlfriend stands in the spotlights?

Drive faster.

Archeologist Jokes More Archeologist Jokes

What's an archeologist?

A: Someone whose career is in ruins.

What's the difference between an archeologist and an ex girlfriend?

The ancient stuff the archeologist digs up is useful.

Watch Jokes More Watch Jokes

What is your favorite joke about women?

Q: Why don't women wear watches? A: Because there is a clock on the stove.

How many choir directors does it take to change a light bulb?

No one knows. No one ever watches the choir director.

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

How do you know ancient Egyptians loved books so much?

Because they built their stuff with reads!

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here. GUY: I love that song. ME: What song

Dope Jokes More Dope Jokes

Why did the boxer sprinkle cocaine on his exercise rope?

He wanted to practice the rope-a-dope.

How do you plant dope?

Bury a blonde.

Lot Jokes More Lot Jokes

Why can't Bernie Sanders win the election?

Because 12 year olds can't vote. Edit: I'm actually somewhat of a Bernie supporter, I'm just joking about how he has a lot of youth backing him.

Why did the tree have lots of fans?

Because he was Poplar!

Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

What does Air bnb stand for?

Bring no blacks

When crossing the Delaware River why did George Washington stand up in the boat ?

He was afraid that if he sat down that someone would give him an oar to row !