Meth Head Jokes

What's the best thing about being a meth head?

1 sleep until Christmas.

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How do you know you're on the phone with a meth head?

When comcast puts them on hold and they don't hang up

How do you tell the difference between a meth head and a hillbilly?

The meth head still has teeth.

Why do meth heads love Halloween?

Three sleeps 'till Christmas!

What do you call a meth-head that's been up for 2 weeks?

A two-weeker

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What do you call a Mexican girl who loves to sleep around?

A Burrithoe

What did the Melon King say to the two young melons in love?

They can't-elope.

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What are you going to be for Halloween dad?

me: Drunk 9: What's mom gonna be me: Mad

What's a hillbillies favorite holiday? Halloween.... Do you want to know why?

Because they like to pump kin.

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What does the nationalist sing at Christmas?

Jingo Bells.

What did Santa give the blind, autistic, paraplegic kid with down syndrome for Christmas?

Cancer.

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How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?

A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.

Why does the sun set at night?

The moon scares the daylights out of it!

Light Bulb Jokes More Light Bulb Jokes

How many moths does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just two, but how they get in there.. I don't know. (Stolen from an old Maxim in my dad's storage)

How many A.D.D. kids does it take to change a light bulb?

Look a squirrel!

Tooth Jokes More Tooth Jokes

What does AF mean?

After Flossing. Now go brush your teeth and they will be clean AF. Why do you ask 10: Mom said you were lazy AF.

What time should you book dental appointments for?

2:30 (Tooth hurty!)

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Why were Star Wars Episodes 4, 5, and 6 released before 1, 2, and 3?

Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was.

What instant coffee and Sasha Grey have in common?

3 in 1

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How many Chinese Red Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 10000 - to give the bulb a cultural revolution.

What do you do if can't change a lightbulb?

Ya know what Just screw it.