How'd you sleep last night?

Son says: "umm... With my eyes closed " Edit: This actually happened btw. Probably funnier irl.

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Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens when a midget smokes weed?

He gets medium.

What happens if Mike Tyson carries around Mjolnir all day?

He gets thor arms!

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

How do these presidential candidates sleep at night?

With an electorate blanket.

What do you get when Sleeping Beauty gives a lecture... What do you get when Sleeping Beauty gives a lecture on the Northern Lights to the people of Wonderland?

Aurora boring Alice.

Close Jokes More Close Jokes

How many cafeteria staff does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry we closed 18 seconds ago and I've just cashed up."

What makes a Mexican saddest about the rise of ebooks?

The closing of the Borders.

Son Jokes More Son Jokes

How are monster trucks made?

ME: Son, when a monster and a truck love each oth- GF: glares ME: He's old enough for the facts, Jane

What's the difference between a tropical beach and a priest?

One gets sun on your skin and the other gets skin on your son.

Edit Jokes More Edit Jokes

Why did Rodney Dangerfield always make such unbalanced RPG characters?

He never got no respec. *edited to make grammar worse

How do you make a door cry?

You twist its knob. edit: grammar

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

What do you call a terrorist who's missing an eye?

Him: I give up Me: A terrorst

What has two heads, four eyes, six legs, and a tail?

A: A horse and rider.

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

What's worse than stepping on a Lego in the middle of the night?

A landmine.

What do SQL programmers do at night?

Count star.