How many beers is that for you today, dear?

Me: Like 4 maybe. 5 tops. Wife: I counted 19. Me: Well I rounded down.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How's your wife been?

Harry...."She's an angel, how about yours " Bob...."Egh, mine is still alive."

Why did Jose push his wife off the cliff?

Tequila...

4 Jokes More 4 Jokes

What are the 4 dirtiest streets in Philadelphia?

Turner, Front, Mascher, Cherry

Why are Muslim men allowed 4 wives?

Because "Islam gives women equal rights!"

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What did you learn in school today Son: How to write Mother: What did you write?

Son: I don't know they haven't taught us how to read yet!

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

Count Jokes More Count Jokes

How do mathematicians count x-men?

Permutations.

Why did the German girl count to three, then cry?

Because her boyfriend was going in .

5 Jokes More 5 Jokes

Why couldn't 5 stop drinking?

Because it was 2 turnt up

Why does she keep cleaning the floors?

Me: Her stepsisters make her. 5: She should just buy a Roomba.

Beer Jokes More Beer Jokes

What did Bobby Mcferrin say to his beer?

Don't worry, be hoppy :)

Where do Martians drink beer ?

At a mars bar !

Round Jokes More Round Jokes

What do you say when an episode of explosive diarrhoea turns into a round of smooth poop?

What a wondrous *turd* of events.

How do you count cows?

You use a cow-culator. Or you round them up. Or any other method the commenters want.

19 Jokes More 19 Jokes

What's Subway Jared's favorite TV show?

19 Kids and Counting

How do you stop being an 18 year old Virgin?

Turn 19