How many beers is that for you today, dear?

Me: Like 4 maybe. 5 tops. Wife: I counted 19. Me: Well I rounded down.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

TUH KEELLUHHH!!!

Why did the programmer get a job working with big data when his wife died?

He just needed a little bit of Clojure.

4 Jokes More 4 Jokes

What do you find with 4 Catholics?

A fifth.

What rock group has 4 dudes that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What's the difference between organized crime and the government?

Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.

How the fight started Wife : Going for a walk, do you want anything?

Me : How about a newspaper. Wife : OK, which one Me : Today's.

Count Jokes More Count Jokes

Why do pirates love football so much?

Cus they love to count YAAAARds.

Which snake is the best at counting Nigerians?

A Black Adder

5 Jokes More 5 Jokes

Why was 6 afraid of 5?

Because 7 8 9

Why was Fibonacci afraid of 5?

because 5 8 13!

Beer Jokes More Beer Jokes

How does Moses make beer?

Hebrews!

What do you call a hillbilly giraffe that lives in a trailer and drinks beer all day?

A rednnnnnneeeeeeeccccccccckkkkkk.

Round Jokes More Round Jokes

Why do Democrats like to play Pokemon?

They've always enjoyed rounding up Japanese monsters.

How many helicopters does it take for White House aides to go play a round of golf?

A: Depends on how many were photographed.

19 Jokes More 19 Jokes

How many children did Josh Duggar molest?

19 kids and counting. Too soon? :/

How do you stop being an 18 year old Virgin?

Turn 19