What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

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Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

Why did the dog sit in the shade?

It didn't want to be a hotdog. *ba dum tsss *ba dum tish idk

What does an agnostic ... dyslexic insomniac do at night?

He lays awake and wonders if there really is a dog.

Damn Jokes More Damn Jokes

When one gun says to the other, "Damn dude, those are some nice bullets, where'd you get them?

the second gun says, "In some old magazine I found."

What did the beaver say when he fell in water?

Dam it.

Mess Jokes More Mess Jokes

Why is Bruce Wayne's hair messed up?

Because of his cowlick.

Why did the pig join the Army?

He heard the food was a mess.

Carpet Jokes More Carpet Jokes

Why do carpets in white folk houses always need vacuuming?

Crackers always leave crumbs.

What did the carpet say to the floor?

Don't move -- I've got you covered.

Shakespeare Jokes More Shakespeare Jokes

What did Shakespeare say when asked how his wife keeps things interesting?

Anne hath a way."

Why did Shakespeare refuse to join the army?

He didn't like the phrase fire at will!