What's the bad news?

Asked the patients. "You only have 24-hours to live." "And the really bad news " I should have told you yesterday.

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What did the oven tell the slice of bread?

You're !

What did the farmer tell the hoe?

Let's get dirty.

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How does a road reply when you ask it how work is going?

It's tiring.

Why did the groom ask his bride to wear white?

Because he wanted his dishwasher to match the fridge and stove

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What animal lives on the farm and says "moo"?

A bilingual chicken

Why don't fairies live under toadstools?

Because there's not mushroom!

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What's the bad news?

Asked the patients. "You only have 24-hours to live." "And the really bad news " I should have told you yesterday.

What did the irritated man say to his inguinal hernia?

Get off my nuts!" (ps. I made this joke up yesterday... i am having hernia surgery tomorrow, and i lol'd so hard at myself that i about caused a second one to pop out)

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Why are doctors always calm?

They have a lot of patients. Sorry.

What do you call a man that marries another man?

A minister! Courtesy of a patient.

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What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

What if the Bad News Bears literally gave you bad news?

Bear 1: You're adopted Bear 2: The cancer is terminal Bear 3: This tweet ain't funny

24 Hour Jokes More 24 Hour Jokes

What do you call someone who spends 24 hours a day on the Internet?

Anything you like they're not listening to you anyway.

How do you keep a moron in suspense for 24 hours?

I'll post the answer tomorrow.