What spends a good 3 hours a day in my hand?

hint* it starts with P and ends with S. Pens! :D ... wait what were YOU THINKING ! ! !

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Start Jokes More Start Jokes

How do you start a joke about Vladimir Putin?

By looking over your shoulder.

What did two twins name a towing company started in lower Manhattan?

The Twin Towers.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What do you call a scientific measuring instrument with degrees?

A graduated cylinder. This is the only joke I've ever thought of.

What do I think about my toes?

They couldn't be further from my mind.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What is the best music to air drum to while driving?

Def Leppard, because you can keep on hand on the wheel.

How do you offend a vegan?

Cover your ears with your hands

End Jokes More End Jokes

How do Jamaican's end their prayers?

Ey mon.

What does a robot do at the end of one night stand?

He falls off

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

Why does it take so long for pirates to learn the alphabet?

Because they can spend years at sea.

Why did the kleptomaniac spend so much time in Bed Bath and Beyond?

He was taking a sheet.

P Jokes More P Jokes

Why did the sweet scented man called Paul change his name to Saul?

He liked the P, but preferred the essence the change.

Why was 'EE' acting so funny?

He needed to 'P'

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

Wait, I can explain everything!

How long must I wait for that turtle soup I ordered?

Waiter: Well you know how slow turtles are.

Hint Jokes More Hint Jokes

What would you tell someone who is attempting to steal your cheese (hint: not "nacho cheese")?

Leave my provolone!

How did the turtle with no arms and no legs cross the freeway?

Here's a hint: take the F out of Free and take the F out of Way