Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.

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Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

Where does Santa stash his money?

In a snowbank.

What happens when Santa get stuck in a chimney?

He gets claustrophobic!

Decide Jokes More Decide Jokes

Why did Burger King decide to partner with Dairy Queen instead of McDonalds?

Because she unwrapped his Whopper. I'm so sorry!!!

Why the plus or minus on the pregnancy test, ept?

How about a simple yes or no and we'll decide if that's positive or negative.

Weight Jokes More Weight Jokes

What do Big Ben and the House of Commons have in common?

Both have a huge bellend swinging his weight around inside

What did Jesus do to lose weight?

Crossfit

Hire Jokes More Hire Jokes

Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?

A: They're doing research on black holes.

What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

Gain Jokes More Gain Jokes

How do you get an anorexic to gain 25 pounds?

Marry her.

Why do volleyball player want to join the armed forces?

For the chance to gain some experience in the service.

Jared Jokes More Jared Jokes

Why did Jared go to a Goat farm?

Why did Jared go to a Goat farm? He heard there was lots of Kids there.

What does Santa Claus and Jared from Subway have in common?

They both leave kid's homes with empty sacks.

Mall Jokes More Mall Jokes

What do you call an Autobot who works in an overpriced makeup store at the mall ?

Ulta Magnus!

Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.