Why do women live on average two years longer?

Because the time they spend parking doesnt count.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

When did the Chinese man know it was time to go to the dentist?

Tooth hurty

What did Ron Weasley do the first time he saw Hermione naked?

He whipped out his wand and yelled, "***Shtupify***!".

Year Jokes More Year Jokes

What's a North Korean farmer's favorite time of year?

Breakfast.

Why do pirates take so long to learn the alphabet?

Because they often spend years at C EDIT: made it more punny

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

What would you call a woman who goes out with You?

Desperate!

What is Mike Tyson's favorite thing for a woman to wear?

Thort thorts.

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

How's it like living in a totalitarian regime?

Can't complain.

Why is Luis Suarez a c*nt?

Because he lives in Liverpool.

Count Jokes More Count Jokes

What is WRONG with you?

Me: *slowly counting on fingers* let's see... ok... carry the 1... um... That would be everything

What's the difference between Gabe Newell and a toddler?

A toddler can count past two...

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

Why was the teacher arrested for writing in permanent marker?

He wrote "1 + 0 = 0" and then spent the rest of the lesson trying to rub one out...

What do you want for your birthday this year?

Vanessa: I want a divorce! Kobe: I wasn't planning on spending that much this year. Here's another ring.

Parking Jokes More Parking Jokes

Why doesn't Santa have to pay for parking?

Because it's on the house.

Why did Nobelium's car got towed away?

He parked at a parking!