Congress Jokes

What bill is the Congress's favorite?

Of course the $ bill!

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What's the opposite of progress?

congress.

How many US Congress members does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one. They just hold it still and wait for the world to revolve around them.

Whats the difference between congress and a US mint?

One of them makes sense!

Whats the difference between congress and parliament?

Ones filled with a bunch of baboons and the other just doesn't give a hoot during the day.

What's the difference between congress and a circus?

One is a Cunning array of Stunts...

What do you call a group of Idiots?

Congress

What is the opposite of pro?

Con. What is the opposite of progress Congress.

What's the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?

A: No fee--If No Recovery!

Why is Congress like a cold?

Because sometimes the ayes (eyes) have it and sometimes the no's (nose).

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Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. All he has to do is hold it in place while the world revolves around him.

How many chans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Lulz!!! etc etc etc :-D

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight?

A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!!

Why do think that?

The boy responds "Because he closes his eyes when he kisses me."

Fee Jokes More Fee Jokes

What is your fee?

Lawyer says: "1000 US dollars for 3 questions." Man: "Wow - so much! Isn't it a bit expensive " Lawyer: "Yes, what is your third question "

What's the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?

A: No fee--If No Recovery!

Mint Jokes More Mint Jokes

Who makes a million dollars a day?

Someone who works in a mint.

Whats the difference between congress and a US mint?

One of them makes sense!

World Jokes More World Jokes

How did Han Solo enter the world?

On the perineum falcon!

Who's the world most famous blacksmith?

Will Smith

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

What's the difference between a hold-up and a stick-up?

Age

How many drunks does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. He holds the bulb and the room spins.

Opposite Jokes More Opposite Jokes

What's the opposite of condescending?

gif(http://25.media.tumblr.com/6b1b800af79638830eef30deb8163bbf/tumblrms1l531JGu1s29n2zo1250.gif)

What's the opposite of a hipster?

A napster

Parliament Jokes More Parliament Jokes

What do parliament and Ukrainian skies have in common?

They're both raining bodies

Why do the bees have honey?

Because they have a queen. If they had a parliament, they would have had nothing.