Duct Jokes

What did the motivational speaker say to the duct?

You conduit!

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How much for that babysitter?

Ma'am, that's a roll of duct tape I'll take it!

What do you call Quicksilver when he's duct taping people's mouths?

A running gag.

What causes dry eyes?

Ducts out of water ...

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Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn't see himself doing it

Why do receipts need to be 75 feet long?

I reach into my pocket thinking I have a wad of cash, turns out I just bought a soda earlier.

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What causes dry eyes?

Ducts out of water ...

What do you use when you have dry eyes?

Moist-your-eyes-er

Potato Jokes More Potato Jokes

What do you call a potato in space?

Spudnik

What do you get when you cross a hotdog and a potato?

A dictator.

Babysitter Jokes More Babysitter Jokes

How did the babysitter lose 500 kids and keep her job?

She swallowed

Why was the phone busy all night?

Babysitter: The fire department put me on hold.

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When someone says something was made with "love" what exactly does that mean?

Did they jerk one off into the center of my cupcake

When I have complicated problems I always ask myself, what would my imaginary wife do?

And then I end up buying myself cupcakes, and shoes.

Good Jokes More Good Jokes

What is the best part about duct tape?

It can turn "no, no, no!" Into "mmm, mmm, mmm"

What is the best part of a Jonestown joke?

The punchline

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What do you call it when your lizard doesn't know how to use the internet?

e-reptile dysfunction

What Joe?

Biden: What color should the lion be Yellow. Biden: I'm using green. *giggles*

Motivational Speaker Jokes More Motivational Speaker Jokes

What did the motivational speaker say to the duct?

You conduit!

What's the difference between a motivational speaker and a baseball player?

The baseball player has all of its limbs.