Fortune Jokes

What costs you a fortune and leaves you in tears a year and a half later?

Not cancer, but my relationship that just ended today!

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How many tunes should the bard play?

Fortunes.

What letter do pirates guess most often on Wheel of Fortune?

T. Modern pirates are most likely based in Somalia, and T is the most common consonant in the Somali Latin alphabet.

Why did Vana White run off the stage of Wheel of Fortune?

She had a bowel movement during her vowel movement.

Where do fortune tellers keep the fortunes?

Crystal balls deep made this up.

Why do LEGO men hate going to hospital...?

Because plastic surgery costs a fortune!

What do Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both spent a fortune making their noses more white.

What do you call a group of Lexus cars?

A fortune!

Why don't Canadians do well on Wheel of Fortune?

Because the host gets confused when they say "I'd to buy a vowel eh."

Why do beavers spend a fortune on the Internet?

They never want to log off.

Who gets the job of writing the fortunes in the cookies?

I want that job. I could really screw with some people.

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Why are fish cleverer than humans?

Ever seen a fish spend a fortune trying to hook a human?

What is a dolphin's favorite TV show ?

Whale of fortune !

Which burgers can tell your fortune?

Medium burgers!

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Small Fortune Jokes More Small Fortune Jokes

How can you make a small fortune?

start with a big one

How do you make a small fortune out of horses?

Start off with a large fortune!

Cost Jokes More Cost Jokes

How could a leper afford a nice house?

It cost an arm and a leg

How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?

A buck an ear.

Cancer Jokes More Cancer Jokes

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple..?

Cancer.

What did the deaf, blind dumb kid get for Christmas?

Cancer.

Fortune Teller Jokes More Fortune Teller Jokes

Why couldn't the fortune teller fit into her shirt?

Because she's a medium

Where do fortune tellers keep the fortunes?

Crystal balls deep made this up.

Wheel Fortune Jokes More Wheel Fortune Jokes

Why don't Canadians do well on Wheel of Fortune?

Because the host gets confused when they say "I'd to buy a vowel eh."

Why did Vana White run off the stage of Wheel of Fortune?

She had a bowel movement during her vowel movement.

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

What's the difference between a golfball and a woman's 'G' spot?

A man will actually spend 20 minutes looking for a golfball... Alternative punchline: Man can actually hit a golfball...

How much did Adidas spend in advertising at the World Cup this year?

At least a brazillion dollars...

End Jokes More End Jokes

What starts with an 'M', ends with 'arriage', and recently made me the happiest man alive?

Miscarriage

What do white girls and web developers have in common?

nobody ever compliments our back end :(

Base Jokes More Base Jokes

Why do we have oceans?

Because based god and acid god had a baby.

Why don't they tell jokes in base 8?

Because seven ten eleven!