Fortune Jokes

What costs you a fortune and leaves you in tears a year and a half later?

Not cancer, but my relationship that just ended today!

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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How many tunes should the bard play?

Fortunes.

What letter do pirates guess most often on Wheel of Fortune?

T. Modern pirates are most likely based in Somalia, and T is the most common consonant in the Somali Latin alphabet.

Why did Vana White run off the stage of Wheel of Fortune?

She had a bowel movement during her vowel movement.

Where do fortune tellers keep the fortunes?

Crystal balls deep made this up.

Why do LEGO men hate going to hospital...?

Because plastic surgery costs a fortune!

What do Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both spent a fortune making their noses more white.

What do you call a group of Lexus cars?

A fortune!

Why don't Canadians do well on Wheel of Fortune?

Because the host gets confused when they say "I'd to buy a vowel eh."

Why do beavers spend a fortune on the Internet?

They never want to log off.

Who gets the job of writing the fortunes in the cookies?

I want that job. I could really screw with some people.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Why are fish cleverer than humans?

Ever seen a fish spend a fortune trying to hook a human?

What is a dolphin's favorite TV show ?

Whale of fortune !

Which burgers can tell your fortune?

Medium burgers!

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Run Jokes More Run Jokes

Why do police in the US carry a tazer and pepper spray?

In case they run out of bullets.

What takes longer to run, first to second, or second to third?

Second to third, because there's a short stop in the middle!

Middle Jokes More Middle Jokes

Why was the virgins' wedding during the middle of the week?

Because Wednesday is hump day.

Why did the reporter only dunk chips in the middle of the dip?

He just wanted the inside scoop.

Bowel Movement Jokes More Bowel Movement Jokes

Why did Vana White run off the stage of Wheel of Fortune?

She had a bowel movement during her vowel movement.

What's in a tweet?

That which you call your bowel movement, by any other tweet is still an odious hot mess.

Base Jokes More Base Jokes

What is the most popular birthday based on Internet records?

January 1st, 1993

What would you call a Chinese based arm of Isis?

Ricesis

Pirate Jokes More Pirate Jokes

What did the pirate with a steering wheel in his pants say when he couldn't remember why it was there?

Arrrh, it's driving me nuts

What do you call a pirate who solves mysteries?

A pirate aye!

Las Vegas Jokes More Las Vegas Jokes

Where was I conceived, dad?

Dad: Ahh *rubs back of neck* At the Bellagio in Las Vegas. -Rly Dad: Wd I lie to u, Bestwestern Broomcloset

Why did the Dalai Lama go to Las Vegas?

Tibet

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

Who are some of the best readers in the world?

World Trade Center workers, some of them can read 50 stories in just 8 seconds!

How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Why did the scientist take off his doorbell?

because he wanted to win the "Nobel" prize!

Who would won in a wrestling match?

Lemmy or God? Trick question, lemmy is god... R.I.P. Edit* win not won damnit...