Main Stream Jokes

How did the hipster drown?

By swimming in the main stream.

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Why did the hipster salmon not get to breed?

He didnt use the main stream

How do you get a hipster to take a shower?

Give them a leaky showerhead. You know, so they can avoid the main stream.

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Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why does the NSA hate winter?

Because they're not used to getting Snowden. (I'll see myself out)

Why did the plant say after being watered?

I'm not hungry exactly, but I could still use a light snack".

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?

He wanted to see how much the milky weighed!

Why did batman fill his freezer with water bottles?

Because he wanted just ice.

Swim Jokes More Swim Jokes

Why are millionaires bad at swimming?

Because they drown at their own wealth Edit: I got down voted :( I thought of that in my head and just wanted to share it

Why did the lone dolphin stop swimming?

He didn't see a porpoise...

Breed Jokes More Breed Jokes

Why did Maria Shriver marry Arnold Schwarzenegger?

To breed a Kennedy that could take a bullet.

What do you get when you cross a cricket with a bat?

Nothing as they cannot breed with each other

Hipster Jokes More Hipster Jokes

Where do hipsters get their water?

From a well, actually.

How do hipsters measure weight?

In Instagrams.

Shower Jokes More Shower Jokes

Why did the leper return to the shower?

He forgot his head and shoulders.

What do you do to relax?

I enjoy people watching. - The most relaxing thing for me is singing in the shower. - I know.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What is the deadliest bear?

Seriously... I don't know the punchline to this, help me out.

How do you know you're at a redneck wedding?

Everybody is sitting on the same side of the church

Avoid Jokes More Avoid Jokes

What's a Cuban's favorite song?

Row row row your boat Over to Key West Scarily scarily scarily scarily Avoid the INS

What did the cancerous contractor say to his apprentice?

Avoid the insulation asbestos you can.