Newborn Jokes

What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.

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What shatters faster than your smartphone screen?

A newborn with osteoporosis.

What do you call a newborn with 3 arms?

Not mine

How long does it take for a newborn to fall from the empire state building?

About 16 seconds

How do Chinese pick a name for their newborn?

They kick a Can

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Tv Remote Jokes More Tv Remote Jokes

Where did all the TV remotes go when you can't find them?

To a remote island...

What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.

Russian Soldier Jokes More Russian Soldier Jokes

What did the russian soldier say when he held his newborn sibling in his hands for the first time?

You're my brother in arms!"

How can you tell what rank a Russian soldier is?

Count the stripes on his track pants.

People Jokes More People Jokes

What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?

A mist conception.

Why did people hate going on road trips with Kurt Cobain?

Because he always called shotgun

Hose B Jokes More Hose B Jokes

What did he name the other?

Hose B

Why couldn't the Mexican be a Firefighter?

Because he didn't know the difference between Jose and Hose B.

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

Why did Sally fall off the swingset?

Because she had no arms. "knock knock" "whose there?" "not sally!"

What's blue, white and red?

A cancerous child who fall down the stairs.

Son Jokes More Son Jokes

Why did the Greeks want Helen back so bad?

Are you kidding She was the most beautiful woman in the world! Can you imagine what her sons would of looked like

What did aged mother cheddar say to her son the day of school photos?

Looking sharp.

Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

How did Helen Keller break her arms?

She tried to read a road sign going 45mph

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?

Bob

Russian Jokes More Russian Jokes

What does a code-switching trilingual Russian say when he wants to increase his bovine supply?

Mas cow.

How does a Russian count '1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi...'?

1 CCCP, 2 CCCP, 3 CCCP... Iwillseemyselfout