Newborn Jokes

What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.

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What shatters faster than your smartphone screen?

A newborn with osteoporosis.

What do you call a newborn with 3 arms?

Not mine

How long does it take for a newborn to fall from the empire state building?

About 16 seconds

How do Chinese pick a name for their newborn?

They kick a Can

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Hose Jokes More Hose Jokes

What did Carlos the fireman name his twin newborn sons?

Jose and Hose B.

Whats the difference between a kink and a fetish?

A kink is something put in a hose, a fetish is something she wants to put in your hose.

Jose Jokes More Jose Jokes

What do Mexicans say on their first day in America?

Jose can you see, by the dawn's early light...

What did Jose name his son?

Hose B

Describe Jokes More Describe Jokes

How did the hail stone describe it's life?

It really has a lot of ups and downs

How would you describe the typical Inuit mathematician?

Cold and calculating.

Feed Jokes More Feed Jokes

How do you solve world hunger and poverty simultaneously?

By feeding the poor to the hungry.

When should you feed milk to a baby elephant ?

When it's a baby elephant !

Pick Jokes More Pick Jokes

What did the crop say to the Farmer?

Why are you picking on me?

Where do beers go to pick up girls?

Ho Gardens

Kick Jokes More Kick Jokes

How do you castrate a redneck?

Kick his sister's jaw in.

How do you castrate an Amish man?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

Stash Jokes More Stash Jokes

Why do people always make such a fuss over how much a newborn weighs?

It's a baby, not a stash of heroin.

Where does Santa stash his money?

In a snowbank.

Remote Jokes More Remote Jokes

What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.

Why did the T.V. break up with the remote?

She thought he was too controlling.