Nyc Jokes

What is a NYC nanosecond?

If you are stuck at a red light, its the time that it takes for the occupant of the car behind you to honk his horn when the light turns green.

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What do you call an earthquake in NYC?

Harlem Shake.

How many square feet are in the average NYC apartment?

Zero. Feet are feet shaped.

What's the difference between a yellow cab and a green cab in NYC?

The green cabs haven't ripened yet.

What do you call a bike in NYC that has been standing out in the sun for hours?

Tire-less

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Occupant Jokes More Occupant Jokes

What is a NYC nanosecond?

If you are stuck at a red light, its the time that it takes for the occupant of the car behind you to honk his horn when the light turns green.

What was the Italian hot tub that was so small it's occupants always bumped into each other called?

Ja-scusi.

Shape Jokes More Shape Jokes

What did the man say while holding a square shaped clock?

A: I'm holding Time Square!

What would you say to a rocket shaped infant?

Baby, You're a Firework"

Red Light Jokes More Red Light Jokes

What do you do at a red light?

Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."

What did the policeman say when he pulled over a nissan?

Nissan Haltima Bonus: What do you call it when a kia pulls up to a red light Kia stoptima

Stick Jokes More Stick Jokes

What is a NYC nanosecond?

If you are stuck at a red light, its the time that it takes for the occupant of the car behind you to honk his horn when the light turns green.

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?

Church.

Foot Jokes More Foot Jokes

Why won't the US change over to the Metric system?

Because we'd rather die on our feet than live on your 30.48 centimeters.

Why does a giraffe have a long neck?

Cause its feet smell.

Ripen Jokes More Ripen Jokes

What do you do with a green monster?

Put it in the sun until it ripens!

What's the difference between a yellow cab and a green cab in NYC?

The green cabs haven't ripened yet.

Sun Jokes More Sun Jokes

Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!

Whats the difference between Australia and a yoghurt?

Leave a yoghurt out in the sun for 300 years and it'll develop a culture

Light Jokes More Light Jokes

What screams, wails, and lights up?

A bus-load of babies on fire.

Why doesn't the sun pack it's bags?

Because it's traveling light!