Why can't Jesus play Football?

He has flashbacks every time he looks at the goal

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Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What's it called when you go around looking for stuff to buy that's made in America?

Antiquing.

Why are you being so salty?

Her response - with a flat, even look: "I've been well seasoned." I lost it

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

How does Chris Martin play monopoly?

With a paira, paira, pairadice

What do you call a rabbi who plays miniature golf?

Jupiter

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

Why did Jesus take three days to resurrect after dying on the cross?

Because the date wasn't nailed down.

What's the difference between Jesus and a Mexican?

Jesus didn't have a bunch of tattoos of a Mexican...

Football Jokes More Football Jokes

Why do women try to talk football?

Do you see me in the kitchen discussing dishwashing strategies No. You don't.

How do you know the rules of football was written by an Italian?

You switch sides at half time.

Goal Jokes More Goal Jokes

What do you call a girl who's preventing you from reaching your goal?

A keeper

Why can't Jesus play Football?

He has flashbacks every time he looks at the goal

Flashback Jokes More Flashback Jokes

Why's the couch smell like pee?

Flashback to me watching The Ring alone Me: *points at son* I think someone had another "accident."

Why was that guy yelling at you?

flashback to me ignoring the "one per customer" sign me with a mouthful of cheese samples No idea