Why did the redditor stand on a piece of fruit to check his weight?

BECAUSE HE WAS USING A BANANA FOR SCALE

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Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why did the computer get a virus?

He wasn't using protection.

Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?

He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine" c/o /u/jubileo5

Banana Jokes More Banana Jokes

What did the one banana say to the other banana who had his feelings hurt?

I know that peel.

What's yellow and goes up and down?

A: A banana in an elevator.

Check Jokes More Check Jokes

Where's the best place in Toronto to check out girls?

Broadview*

How can a blind person tell if they're home?

They check the architexture.

Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

What should you do when your ex-girlfriend stands in the spotlights?

Drive faster.

Why are there no American flags at the DNC?

Because the delegates were standing on them.

Redditor Jokes More Redditor Jokes

What's the difference between a Redditor and an egg?

Eggs get laid only once

Why are there so many Redditor archeologists?

Because loves digging up the past.

Piece Jokes More Piece Jokes

What do you call an Ethiopian with a piece of cheese on his head?

Quarter pounder with cheese!

What do you call a chicken staring intently at a piece of lettuce?

A chicken ceaser salad.

Weight Jokes More Weight Jokes

How do fireflies lose weight?

They burn calories.

What's the best way for an American to lose weight?

Gamble in British currency.

Fruit Jokes More Fruit Jokes

What kind of fruit is also a vegetable?

Elton John in a coma.

What do you call a fruit that won't get married?

A Cantaloupe.

Scale Jokes More Scale Jokes

What did the scale say when it was going to drop a fresh mixtape?

Weight on it.

Why can't the insecure fish sing well?

He's never comfortable in his own scales.