Isaac Newton Jokes

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the dead baby in my microwave?

Isaac Newton died a virgin

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What happened when Isaac Newton met the apple?

He found the apple was a surprisingly down-to-Earth kinda guy.

Why was Sir Isaac Newton buried at Westminster Abbey?

Because he was dead.

Why didn't Isaac Newton drink wine?

He knew better than to drink and derive.

Why is there no Asian Isaac Newton?

He sat under the durian tree.

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Bury Jokes More Bury Jokes

Why is it illegal for a man living in North Carolina to be buried in South Carolina?

Because he's alive.

How do you want your mother-in-law buried or cremated?

Hmm No risk do both.

Dead Baby Jokes More Dead Baby Jokes

How many dead babies can you fit in a phone booth?

78.5

What's worse than seven dead babies in a trash can?

One dead baby in seven trash cans. What's your dead baby joke

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

How do you get a blonde on the roof?

Say the drinks are on the house

What do ghosts drink for Halloween?

BOOOOZE!

Asian Jokes More Asian Jokes

What do you call an Asian lobster?

A crustasian

Why do Asian woman have small breasts?

Because her parents accept nothing less than an A.

Apple Jokes More Apple Jokes

What does a pirate wear if he works at Apple?

iPatch

What do you get when you mix a Mexican with an octopus?

I dont know, but it sure as hell can pick apples.

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened to drugs, kids?

We still have drugs!

What happens when you microwave a DVD?

you get a VHS tape.

Virgin Jokes More Virgin Jokes

Why did jesus not go to australia?

He couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

What do you call a 10 ten old Irish boy who doesn't go to church?

A virgin

Derive Jokes More Derive Jokes

Why did the mathematician get pulled over?

for drinking and deriving

Why wouldn't you hire bears from Australia?

Because they don't have the necessary koalafications. (Derived from: )