Librarian Jokes

What were the political views of the librarian?

She wanted open borders.

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Why are librarians so shy?

Their occupation makes them very shelf conscious.

How do librarians file melted marshmallows?

A: According to the Gooey Decimal System.

Why are librarians so lonely?

They're always by them shelves Just wanted to see if that library joke checked out Sorry for all the library jokes, I'll put them on hold

Why do librarians like the wind?

It says, "Shhh!" all day!

Why do you want to be a librarian?

Me: "I like telling people to be quiet."

What did the book say to the librarian?

Can I take you out

What did the librarian say to the travel agent?

Find what you're booking for

Why did the librarian hush the mime?

Because actions speak louder than words.

How many librarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I don't know but I can look it up for you."

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Theft Jokes More Theft Jokes

Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey?

Because all proper tea is theft.

What do you call a theft by a stumbling person?

A lumberjack.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What cheese do hunters use to goad a bear out from its cave in the winter?

Camenbert

What do you call it when you have enough money to but a truck from 4 different people who used to cross small bodies of water?

You can afford four fjord forders' fords.

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

What do you do when you want to hold a bunny?

You grabbit.

What three words will emasculate any man?

A: Hold my purse.

File Jokes More File Jokes

What file does a Knight store his music on?

A **MIDI**-val file.

What do you call a hard drive in a hydraulic press?

File compression

Melt Jokes More Melt Jokes

How do librarians file melted marshmallows?

A: According to the Gooey Decimal System.

What did the black boy say when he had diarrhea?

I'm melting!

Book Jokes More Book Jokes

What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock?

Barns and no-bulls. (This joke was made up by my 7 year-old cousin.)

Where do books sleep?

A: Under their covers.

Accord Jokes More Accord Jokes

How is snow white?

Pretty good according to the 7 dwarfs

How many times should you try starting your snowblower before you realize it's not going to start?

According to my neighbor it's 458 times.

Detention Jokes More Detention Jokes

Why did the robot get detention?

Because he was accused of Boolean.

What is "attempted theft" exactly?

I mean it's not like you see school librarians seeing a student use Wikipedia on one of the computers and puts them in detention for "attempted plagiarism"