Nice Guy Jokes

Who's the nicest guy at the hospital?

The ultrasound guy

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What do you call a nice guy with hemorrhoids?

A stand up guy

Why do nice guys make good lovers?

They always finish last.

What do you call the nicest guy in the hospital?

The Ultra-sound guy..... Who covers him when he's not available The hip replacement guy!

How to be Like Jesus 1. Be a carpenter. 2. Be a nice guy. 3. ?

4. Prophet.

Why do girls like nice guys?

Cause nice guys always finish last.

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Text Jokes More Text Jokes

Why didn't you text me?

I'll never call you back. Like, ever. You'd have better luck with a telegram.

How'd you sleep?

Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.

Cause Jokes More Cause Jokes

Why does a cow have hooves but not feet?

Cause they lactose.

Why can't you take a shower with a pokemon?

Cause they'll Pikachu

Finish Jokes More Finish Jokes

What is Kanye West's favorite breakfast food?

Omelette you finish.

Why don't emus ever finish all the food on their plates?

They don't want to be ostrich-sized!

Rap Jokes More Rap Jokes

Why can't rappers rap about nice things?

YEAH GIRL I'm GOING TO TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHS AND ....... Give them to a homeless guy because he's cold

What do you call a skinny tree that raps?

Slim Shady

2 Jokes More 2 Jokes

What's the craic?

2: Not much, Brian. I had a pint yesterday. 1: Oh! Really I thought you were only 15 2: I am! 1: So what was it Guiness 2: No, it was water.

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2 . One to screw it in and another to say, "I could do that".

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

What do North Korea and my girlfriend have in common?

Neither want me coming inside them.

What's white & falls from the sky?

The coming of the Lord." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ...please enjoy this tweet. I'm going to hell.

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

What are you gonna argue about with your family this Thanksgiving?

1. Minimum wage 2. Police reform 3. Why are there raisins in this, Louise

Why did the black man try to break into jail?

He wanted to be with his family.

Beautiful Jokes More Beautiful Jokes

When a guy texts "your beautiful," reply with "my beautiful what?

then laugh and laugh and never talk to that nice idiot again.

What is Checkmate?

You tell your Wife, "I saw a lady, looked exactly like you" Wife asks, "WAS SHE BEAUTIFUL?" You cant say 'NO' You cant say 'YES' That is Checkmate!